Posted December 30, 2011 | 11:28 pm, by nadine
Hmm…what to say about this past year…
2011 was a year of growth and acceptance for me. For example, I accepted the fact that I don’t have a grand plan. I don’t charge ahead into the night with a plotted course of goals and life plans. No my friends, I drift. I may not drift in the sense of being nomadic, but I drift in other ways.
And for years I tried to fight that natural drifting. Thinking “Oh shit I need to get my ducks in order!” You know those feelings. I probably don’t have to go into detail about them. I don’t know what I was trying to improve myself into, but it obviously wasn’t working.
So I accepted my drift, but I found out that I drift according to some parameters. They boil down to a few words: Autonomy, Curiosity, and Sustainability. The things that seem to inhabit my life, whether they are relationships, work, interests, or education, tend to fall somewhere in that triangle of words. And that was an interesting discovery to make.
It lead me to make some short term plans, and try things like learning about ecosystems (I like plants), or spending far more time outside cycling and hiking. I even did some project tinkering…and I still got something really good out of these things, without the overhanging pressure that it must all LEAD to something. Consequently I was a lot happier than I’ve been in a long time, and at the end of 2011 I find myself physically stronger, mentally sharper, and more in tune with who I am for the good and the bad. I feel like I gained some decent EXP.
Did I make mistakes? Of course I did, but we all do that. Did I have some personal challenges? Yep. That’s part of just being alive…and when bad things came trotting my way, I just rolled through it unapologetically swearing and bitching, knowing that it would end, and I could just get on with things.
But y’know what else I did in 2011? I continued with my distance cycling and hit almost 100km in a day, I saw shorelines and boats and birds, I hiked the scottish highlands, I spent afternoons swimming on the island with friends, I snowshoed, I rock climbed, I cooked things, I refined my scotch palette, I studied plants, I worked, I had a life…and I enjoyed it.
2012? I have some ideas. But in true me fashion, they are written in chalk on my chalk door, because they’ll likely change over the course of winter.
Such is what its like when you drift…and I’m good with that.